The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 *

Director: Bill Condon
Cast: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner
Nikki Reed, Peter Facinelli, Kellan Lutz, Elizabeth Reaser, Billy Burke
Maggie Grace, Mia Maestro, Michael Sheen

They say a good director can turn a mediocre story into something cinematically astonishing, Breaking Dawn Part 1 proves that sometimes there is material so, so poor that it becomes impossible to save, regardless of who commands the production. With its unintentional comedic moments, preposterous "acting" and its truly ludicrous use of dramatic tension, Breaking Dawn Part 1 is a new low in an already ridiculous saga.
This time around, emo vampire Edward (Pattinson) and his beloved Bella (Stewart) finally tie the knot in what would be the grand finale in similarly facile teen romances. However things go wrong when Bella becomes pregnant - apparently no one knew vampires could knock up a mortal, which makes one wonder exactly what comes out of a vampire's seminal canals.
As the fetus begins to eat Bella from inside, a war begins to rage between the vampires and werewolves, once again putting broken hearted Jacob (Lautner) into the equation. Just how many wars, tepid love triangles and ultra conservative messages can one saga fit?
Time and time again, the Twilight movies make one wonder, just what exactly are these people saying? How can so little be said in so much running time? This chapter in particular made a case for being one where nothing really happens. Edward and Bella look at each other, look towards the distance having flashbacks of them looking at each other and then exchange melodramatic readings delivered with absolutely no consideration for dramatic purpose.
Where it wants to be deeply romantic, the film results impossibly dull, where it wants to be mature, it comes out as inexperienced. But other than its silly plot twists and terrible acting, there is something much more disturbing at the bottom of these films.
Author Stephenie Meyer might just be the most reactionary working writer of the past decade. Her moralistic ideas about sex, birthing and relationships are so old fashioned that they almost seem prehistoric. While the first three movies were based around the idea that "if you have sex you will get chlamydia and die" (thank you Mean Girls), this one grabs that idea and takes it even further into ultra conservatism.
Apparently for Meyer, marriage isn't enough punishment for horny teenagers who crave sex, they also will get pregnant and have to give up their lives for their babies.
What in a 1940s movie would've been justified reason for a big tearjerker, is pure denigration in the twenty first century. The fact that abortion - even in the face of severe health issues - isn't even considered as an option, isn't romantic, it's scary! By removing women's power to choose and preserve their lives, Meyer and the movies she inspired are doing a great disservice to any feminist movement in history.
Apparently to them, all that women are worthy of are being objects of desire to both the living and the undead. The vampires in these films aren't after the blood, they want to suck your brains out.