Short Takes (Haiku Edition)

Due to some taxing personal events during the past few weeks, my writing is something I've been neglecting. The movies - as always - have remained a beacon of hope amidst these dark times and needless to say so, I've been sucking on to them like a unicellular creature would to some more advanced life-form. I apologize for not having been as friendly in the blog-o-sphere as usual and I apologize for not writing. Both you and this medium keep me alive, and today felt like a good day to resurrect. I give you reviews for some of the latest films I've seen in haiku form (Today also felt like a good time to try out some new literary techniques...)

Limitless (dir. Burger, 2011) **

Magic pill powers

don't explain why Bradley

is a movie star.

Bad Teacher (dir. Kasdan, 2011) *

Cam as rotten fruit
punches Lucy out of
comedic classroom.

L'amour fou (Thoretton, 2011) ***

Legacy of style
sold in heartbreaking auction
fashionable tears.


Larry Crowne (Hanks, 2011) **

Old school charm abounds
but Julia and Hanks feel like
our folks making out.



 What have all of you been watching?

Style Sunday.

Catherine Zeta-Jones looks insanely hot (pun totally intended) in this fiery Elie Saab gown. The Welsh beauty wore this to last week's Tony awards (remember she's a winner there!) and looked positively regal.

It's so cute to see Cameron Diaz working the cougar look ahead of time, she does one of her favored mini dresses and high heels to show off her stunning legs. This Emilio Pucci is remarkable in its simplicity, fun factor and elegance.

Gotta love the surfer hair.

Sheet-y Saturday.

Where we take a look at posters for upcoming features.


Again, I just love how The Green Hornet is trying to make us think Seth Rogen is the most attractive man on the planet.
See him there, most of his face hidden by the famous mask, just a bit of scruff and a severe, mysterious look. Really, if you had no idea he was starring in this and just happened to see the poster in a theater lobby who would you think is playing this part?

Knight and Day *

Director: James Mangold
Cast: Tom Cruise, Cameron Diaz
Peter Sarsgaard, Jordi Mollà, Viola Davis, Paul Dano
Marc Blucas, Celia Weston, Dale Dye

When thinking of Knight and Day, the word "throwback" might come to mind but it's definitely not the word that best helps describe it.
It reminds us of a throwback because we understand the film wanted to be something in the tradition of The African Queen or Charade; a show for grownups featuring two big movie stars who romance each other while running away from peril.
In execution though the movie feels more like a bad TV pilot, done just to pair Diaz and Cruise (who had been wickedly good together in Vanilla Sky, her more than him, but still there was something there).
This time around the tables are turned and it's Cruise who's in control as he plays Roy Miller, a seductive rogue spy who teams up with unsuspecting ditzy civilian June Havens (Diaz) as he tries to clean his good name from the people who framed him...or so we think.
After meeting "by accident" in an airport, Roy takes a liking to June (some might call it plain old stalking) and spends most of the movie trying to convince her he's a good guy trying to do his best to protect an important weapon designer (Dano in full geeky glory).
She's approached by an FBI agent (Sarsgaard) and his boss (Davis) who tell her, Roy is in fact an agent who lost his mind...
But who to believe?
The film in a way acts like an analogy for Tom Cruise's latter days career. On one side we have Cruise trying to remind us how he's the irresistibly charming movie star we always thought he was, this part is essentially conveyed by Miller, who needs to do not more than flash his million dollar smile and scoff (in that very Tom Cruise way) to get away with anything.
On the other side we have what seems to be the voice of reason in the shape of the FBI who informs us that despite our best knowledge this man is in fact insane. This could very well represent, well, our opinion of what Cruise has been doing for the past seven years; meaning action after action to convince us something's not quite working up there.
So on a very basic level the film is an endurance test of how much Cruise you can take. If you think he's an obnoxious midget you'd be better off watching something else because besides the whole lotta Tom we get, the plot also asks us to push the boundaries of coherence in order to accept what's going onscreen as something remotely real.
There is a recurring gag throughout the film where Roy drugs June, mostly to move locations without her having a panic attack, which are represented visually by a series of mostly blurry snippets that give us an idea of what the hell is going on.
We see Roy hanging upside down, Roy on a plane, Roy on a boat etc...the difference between this and say something like North by Northwest (another example of polar opposites in a cross continent adventure) is that we don't care where June will wake up next, or if she'll even wake up at all.
Deep inside we know everything will turn out well for these two and the movie fails to raise even a second of real excitement, thrills or even fun.
The one thing that remains a mystery throughout the film is what got Sarsgaard and Davis to star in this?

Shrek Forever After **

Director: Mike Mitchell
Cast: Mike Myers, Cameron Diaz, Antonio Banderas, Eddie Murphy
Jon Hamm, Julie Andrews, John Cleese

The best thing that can be said about the seeming last installment in the Shrek series is that nothing in it is cringe worthy.
More of an excuse to get cash out of children and their unwilling parents, than an actual movie, this chapter concentrates on Shrek's midlife crisis.
Despite having a perfect life, a loving wife, babies and loving friends he misses the days when he was just an ogre having fun and wreaking havoc.
The major issue with the film is that, well so do us.
After the refreshing experience that was the first one almost a decade ago, each subsequent film has been a painful pastiche of pop culture references, annoying scatological jokes and a ridiculous attempt to make fun of Disney movies while choosing to respect their parameters and actually accommodating to them.
In this one, when Shrek gets offered a whole day of old fashioned goodness by the conniving Rumpelstiltskin and while he injects the movie with the kind of madcap hilarity last seen in the original movie, nothing in this one justifies its existence.
Shrek discovers that the alternate universe he's in just makes him want to have his old life back and while trying to seduce Fiona all over again and trying to befriend Donkey for the first time only makes it obvious that those of us looking for great entertainment would be better off watching the DVD of the first movie.

Oscar Fashion: Best Dressed.

10. Demi Moore

I still have no idea what she was doing there (when did she last release a movie?) but Demi Moore was as usual a treat for the eyes.
Dressed in a ruffled Versace that matched her sublime tan she was one of the night's best (in a night that also happened to have very few-if none at all-disasters).


9. Cameron Diaz

Diaz had never been as beautiful and classy as she was in this beaded Oscar de la Renta. At first it reminds you too much of the gown Reese Witherspoon collected her Best Actress Oscar in but Diaz was a bit more playful with the loose hair and makeup.
She's a total surfer princess.


8. Sigourney Weaver

Lanvin can do no wrong and this design in deep red makes Weaver look both sexy and regal.


7. Zoe Saldana

The following two entries have offered perhaps the most polarized opinions in terms of fashion. Both are huge gambles that might work in a runway but have to pull a little something extra to work in a red carpet but they also worked in my opinion.
First is Saldana in Givenchy. The dress was made out of three main parts which all seemed to be made by different designers.
The top was sparkly joy, the middle was deconstructed delight and the bottom was flamenco fiesta, however, the three elements have beautiful synergy and for someone like Saldana who remained so committed to her character in "Avatar" the dress, with its magical sea creature with sparkles details, seems to have been made by the best couturiers in Pandora.


6. Vera Farmiga

Marchesa gowns at red carpets have become as common as Meryl Streep appearances and the truth is that it's the house that more often pushes the boundaries in terms of what to add to dresses (remember that one Anne Hathaway wore three years ago?).
Farmiga had already donned Marchesa this year for the BAFTA's, where she looked angelical, and this berry colored creation might either take your breath away of bring you memories of 80's proms.


5. Meryl Streep

During the last few years the greatest living actress has been challenging our notions that she wasn't such a good dresser (what she wore the year she was nominated for "The Devil Wears Prada" is still unforgivable) but last year and especially this one she has been amping her fashion cred.
In a simple, but stunning white creation by Chris March she instantly recalls "Now, Voyager" (this and this) and it makes total sense that the legend would want to recall Hollywood's studio era.
Best of all though are her beautiful shoes (which she said she was dying to take off) and that gem encrusted clutch which embody timeless elegance.


4. Penélope Cruz

She might always play it safe (and sometimes even dull) to previous award shows but Pe always saves her best look for Oscar. Wrapped in burgundy Donna Karan she was two parts old school European glamor, one part quintessential American classic.


3. Jennifer Lopez

Some dresses seem to take on a life of their own once they're put on (J. Lo sure knows about this) and this Armani Privé was a perfect example.
She called it "iridescent pink" as she showed anyone who cared to see how the enormous tail moved (OK I know that sounds bad but you know I'm speaking of the dress...).
Not anyone can pull off the kind of dress that doesn't even fit in a seat and J. Lo did it with class and incredibly sensual grace.


2. Sarah Jessica Parker

If last year she was a 1950's princess, Sarah Jessica Parker is all about the wild 60's in this stunning pale canary yellow column dress with jeweled appliques.
Everything about this Chanel Couture dress is perfection. The subtle transition of the pastel to the stronger metallic tones is to die for and the jewelry goes so accordingly that you almost think it's part of the dress.
The whole look is as if SJP had been possessed by a younger version of Julie Christie (the whole thing is straight out of "Darling").
If the clothes goddess is doing a decade theme at the Oscars I'm already salivating at what she'll do for the 70's.


1. Diane Kruger

You don't have to be an expert to know instantly that Diane Kruger is wearing Chanel. If the petal inspired middle section of the dress doesn't tip you off, then the black flowers will or the creamy color that you could almost swear has a faint No. 5 or Coco Mademoiselle scent...
In a nutshell this delicate but imposing work of couture art does more to evoke the legendary house than that dull biopic with Audrey Tautou did and Kruger shows that runways and red carpets sometimes can be the same.

The Box ***

Director: Richard Kelly
Cast: James Marsden, Cameron Diaz, Frank Langella
Celia Weston, James Rebhorn, Sam Oz Stone, Ian Kahn

There's fluorescent green blood running through the theremin intoxicated veins of Richard Kelly's "The Box". Adapted from a short story by Richard Matheson, the movie is a throwback to sci-fi/horror films and TV shows- particularly "The Twilight Zone"-and like said productions sets its stage in the unassuming tranquility of the suburbs.
It's 1976 and Norma and Arthur Lewis (Diaz and Marsden respectively) are woken up one early morning by the doorbell. Norma opens and finds someone has left them a box containing a wooden contraption with a red button on top.
There's also a note that says they will be visited by someone that evening. They go on with their normal work days; Arthur, who works at NASA, learns that he has been dropped from the astronaut program because failed the psychological exam (perhaps an omen of things to come?) while Norma, who's a schoolteacher, is informed that she will no longer get tuition for her son Walter (Stone).
That afternoon they receive the visit of the mysterious Arlington Steward (a never creepier Langella) who explains to them the powers of the box and the button unit they received.
If they push the button they will receive one million dollars, completely tax free, but there's a catch; the minute they push the button someone they don't know will die.
Steward leaves, warning them that they have one day to make up their minds before he comes to retrieve the box.
After debating the matter and becoming overwhelmed by their economic misfortunes, Norma pushes the button.
Steward arrives to retrieve the box and give them their money; soon after, strange events begin to occur and before long the Lewis' are stuck in a labyrinth of deceit, stalkers, nose bleeding zombies, NASA investigations, alien conspiracy theories, NSA secrets and strange behavior from people they thought they knew.
It seems that only half the movie is Matheson's story and the crazier parts are all Kelly. The surprise isn't that such things come out of a person's mind, but that he makes them work as a movie.
In "The Box" Kelly doesn't hide the fact that this is homage in its purest form. The milky cinematography (done in digital video out of a bet of sorts) brings out a fuzzy sort of terror that recalls "Poltergeist" and "The Exorcist", while the strings heavy score (done by members of Arcade Fire) recalls some of Bernard Herrmann's greatest work.
The referential tone might result annoying to viewers who aren't in on the joke as they will probably hate the overacting of Marsden and Diaz.
Those who succumb to the movie will be delighted by the way the actors give in to the cheesiness Kelly comes up with. Forget the fact that they have to wear seventies clothing, the camp factor here lies in their late reactions, overworked lines and the way they still manage to convince us of the romantic backstory their characters share.
Kelly often tries to say too much and the movie sometimes borders complete ridicule, but by the end it really works more like a good film in B-movie disguise.
The most surprising thing about it all is how it achieves multiple readings. It works as a terrifying, postmodernist, existential drama unafraid to mix its Sartre with the Blob. In moments where the world seems to backfire on them it's a revelation to see Norma and Arthur go into discussions of their place in the world in contrast with others.
"Hell is other people seeing you for who you really are" says Norma to her students as she tries to explain existentialist theories. With its recurrent theme of "no exit" the movie flirts with Lynchean themes but unlike the too Freudian auteur, this one isn't afraid to pull out its "boos" out of the cheesiest of places.
"The Box" is also able to become scarily time appropriate given how it forces us to give a second look at the way people act when their survival is threatened.
In a world undergoing such critical economic times, it's difficult to avoid trying to empathize with the decision the Lewis' have to contemplate.
Kelly isn't afraid to ask if moral codes can be suspended or forgotten in the face of adversity. But before we're deep into an intellectual debate, Kelly is already scaring our pants off with a sudden thrill.
"The Box" might very well be the most entertaining movie about the recession made so far.

My Sister's Keeper *1/2

Director: Nick Cassavetes
Cast: Cameron Diaz, Abigail Breslin
Jason Patric, Sofia Vassilieva, Evan Ellingson
Joan Cusack, Alec Baldwin

How can anyone say or think something bad about a cancer-related film? That seems to be the idea around which director Nick Cassavetes worked to deliver this manipulative, lazy excuse of a movie.
During the opening credits we learn that Anna (Breslin) was conceived in vitro as a perfect genetic match for her sister Kate (Vassilieva) who suffers from leukemia.
Her "spare parts", as called by a doctor, have kept her sister alive for more than ten years, but when she has to donate one of her kidneys Anna decides it's been enough. She goes to lawyer Campbell Alexander (Baldwin) and sues her parents to obtain "medical emancipation" creating the ethical dilemma at the center of the film.
Is she the bad seed or does she have a point?
As played by Breslin, Anna is the only character in the whole movie we would like to know more of. Breslin who possesses amazing abilites to act like a kid (not like a creepy grownup trapped inside a kid's body) gives her character little traits that make her believable and touching.
When she's confronted by her parents Sara (Diaz) and Brian (Patric), Anna goes into her own little world; most of the movie Breslin makes us linger between the two possibilities, only to be let down by Cassavetes awful screenplay and direction.
The thing about the film is that it has already taken sides and we spend the whole movie watching all the pain Kate has gone through.
From vomiting blood, to losing her hair, to falling in love and then losing that too and we rarely get insight into why Anna's plead also has justifications.
If this bias wasn't enough, Cassavetes goes the extra mile to make the whole movie seem like a collection of Kodak moments and upbeat musical montages that pop out of nowhere and last for ages (as that famous online spoof goes "is this a movie or a CD?").
Shot beautifully by Caleb Deschanel, who even makes the chemotherapy room look dreamlike, the contrast between the visuals and the emotions the characters try to convey is distasteful.
The actors do their best with what they're given though, Baldwin is good (even if sometimes he narrates like a detective out of a film noir), Cusack is moving as a sensible judge (despite the burden of corniness she's given to carry) and it's refreshing to see Diaz stretch her acting muscle a bit, even if she doesn't always succeed.
But most of this gets lost in the amalgam of cliché Cassavetes concocts. Whenever the action is steering to make Anna seem sane he inserts a random flashback reminding us why Kate is more important.
Then there's a whole subplot full-o-holes with their brother Jesse (Ellingson) who lingers in the streets and sits atop building rooftops harboring what seems like something awful which we never fully understand.
Exploiting likeability to the ultimate factor, Cassavetes also becomes aware that while cancer patients are impossible to dislike, so is Abigail Breslin.
And he gives her character a final twist that should make us shed the waterworks, but only serves to expose the utter lack of respect the filmmaker has for both the sick and the healthy.
Please, don't give this movie its shot.