Short Take: "This Means War" and "Friends with Kids".

We get it, romance has evolved with the changing times and the movies have to adjust to the new ways in which people meet and fall in love, however this shouldn't mean that in the process we also must relinquish our human dignity, something that This is War not only suggests but encourages.
Tuck (Tom Hardy) and FDR (Chris Pine) are two CIA secret agents who are "grounded" after ruining a mission and spend their boring office time trying to meet women. Tuck is a romantic with old fashioned ways who recurs to online dating to meet someone, FDR is a playboy who beds a different woman every night. They accidentally end up setting eyes on the same woman, consumer marketing expert, Lauren (Reese Witherspoon) who by dating different men finds the perfect outlet to escape from her ex-boyfriend's shadow, try out her wilder sexual side and practice housekeeping. Where the movie suggests that Lauren is a hands on, ultra feminist woman, the plot and character development merely make her dalliances look like irresponsible promiscuity and of course, she is the only one getting accused of it, the guys and their jobs make them look like heroes who have earned the right to use their security clearance to harass the woman they think they're in love with. For all its misogyny, double standards and ultra conservative morality (you know who Lauren will pick from the very start) the film's greatest mistake is how utterly joyless it feels. Witherspoon seems to have forgotten how to be bubbly and charming, while Hardy and Pine hardly make for heroes worth pining for. The only war this movie declares is one against the intelligence and taste of its audience.

If you were one of those die-hard fans who were craving a Friends reunion, Friends with Kids should be the movie to dispel those wishes. Even if it's in no way associated to the popular TV show, the film works as a post-finale version of it, given that it un-creatively matches three women with three men to create the same dynamic as the series. Two of the couples are together and have started families, the single friends are those eternal bachelor (Adam Scott) and bachelorette (Jennifer Westfeldt) who seem to enjoy their "freedom" too much to lose it just to fit in with social norms.
In order to prove how awesome they are, the two friends decide to have a child and raise it without the typical family structure, of course their plan backfires as the movie conservatively reminds us that friends can't have sex and remain just friends, that children need two parents to be happy, that marriage is something we should all aspire to, and an assortment of other stereotypes that romantic comedies and dramas have helped perpetuate.
The problem at this point isn't whether they are right or not (morality and ethics aren't as universal as we'd think) but that movies like these pretend they will defy the conventional, only to become even more stilted and predictable themselves. The ending in Friends with Kids for example seems to be straight out of a cheesy 80s movie and the thing is that writer/director Westfeldt does not deliver it with a wink, she really thinks her movie is sincere.
More than a decade ago, Westfeldt brilliantly explored alternative sexual orientations in the wonderful Kissing Jessica Stein, if the characters in her new movie spent doing as much melancholy but hilarious soul searching as the characters in that one did, instead of screaming, cursing and dashing off dinner tables when upset we might've had our hands on a movie with some insight. Instead what we get are grownups who have replaced toys with wine, espresso machines and cursing to hide the fact that they are really nothing but kids.


Grades
This Means War ½
Friends With Kids *

Oscars 2012: Worst Dressed and Meh (Mostly Meh Though)

This year nobody seemed to make a total fool out of themselves which is a surprise. Then again, the Oscars had never been this safe and predictable in terms of winner which makes the fashion all the more understandable. To kick things off in the meh department we have Miss Angelina Jolie, whose leg seems to have taken on a life of its own in the aftermath of this preposterous look. While we all can agree that she's a beautiful woman, her leg pose was stupid because it made everyone laugh while she thought she was being Jessica Rabbit in terms of sexiness. Perhaps if the leg hadn't been poking out of a boring velvet Atelier Versace, we might've been a bit more impressed by it.

Bérénice Bejo's  Elie Saab is not bad by any means, but the color washes her out in such a way, that not even her fiery hair can spark any life in it.

Jesus Christ, enough with the nude color Kristen Wiig! This J. Mendle might be beautiful but it feels like she's worn it to every awards show she's been to.

This Marchesa is a tricky thing. On one side the combination of colors is quite striking and the beading is quite the handcraft, but it makes poor SaBu look at least twenty years older and twenty pounds heavier. The unflattering mid-section makes it seem as if she just had too much ice cream and wants to conceal her new belly. The lack of drama upstairs (meaning the natural makeup) in this case work against her, because we keep being drawn to the strange ice claws around her waist. Overall this one's a mess.

Melissa Leo is a mess one more time. This time she went for a too informal Reem Acra that slightly recall this ensemble worn by Natalie Portman last year. Portman was pregnant at the time, which explains the fact that she was going for a shapeless look. Leo has no excuse.

Wouldn't Jane Fonda have looked great in this Valentino Couture gown? It's totally up her alley and she's only like 60 years older than Shailene Woodley...

Oy, most people are in love with Viola Davis and think saying something unflattering about her is either being a racist, an idiot or the most insensitive person alive, but not even they will be able to deny that she chose a very bad time to get rid of her wigs. We get it, she's proud of her heritage but the wigs were so beautiful that I'm sure no one really knew they were fake. This new hair gives her a Dennis Rodman look that's beyond unflattering, mostly because she's always pairing it up with dresses that are way too tight in the boob department. The color in this Vera Wang isn't doing anything for her really.

Oh J. Lo, you A-list hoochie. This Zuhair Murad dress is what Octavia Spencer was wearing but unlike what the pattern did for her, it does nothing for Lopez who looks like a hooker from space. The holes on her arms are inexplicable and give the dress a cheap look. Did she run out of fabric?

What do you think of these ladies? Anyone here you would promote to best?

And the BAFTAs Went To...

I love how random the BAFTAs usually are. They seem to have decided to celebrate James Bond's fiftieth anniversary by inviting Tom Jones but not by having say Sean Connery, Roger Moore and Daniel Craig present Best Picture...

Daniel Radcliffe looked so happy to be there! He kept doing huge smiles as if he was auditioning for Broadway again.

Queen Meryl looked positively regal for once, may she please wear something this magnificent to the Oscars.

Jonah Hill has such a mancrush on Brad Pitt, don't ya think?

I was shocked to see Kristen Wiig presenting because she was so brilliant last night on SNL that one would think she'd need a few days to recover and charge her brilliant batteries. In my mind she and Jean Dujardin (who was stunningly awesome on SNL too) flew together and she went through her Bridesmaids airplane skit. Or maybe just maybe she kept her 20's flapper dress and traveled via Dujardin's favored way of transportation:

I love how Octavia Spencer just radiates with joy every time she sees Viola Davis.

Well done Paddy! His Tyrannosaur won Best British Debut.

Sigh.

Oh you magnificent creature... 

The BAFTAs always offer the strangest combinations. Why would Christina Ricci and Jeremy Irvine be together? Also, what was up with Cuba Gooding Jr. and Billy Bob Thornton being there?

The Artist swept the awards even winning Best Original Screenplay.
I have nothing against the movie and contrary to what its director would think, I knew it had a screenplay.
What I don't get is how it would win for originality when it's such a rehash of so many movies? The clip they played for this category even featured the Vertigo score!

R.I.P.

This man's voice! For a minute he made me wish the BAFTAs turned into Dogville and Nicole Kidman showing up to kick everyone's asses...

Chris O'Dowd is just the cutest.

Senna not only won Best Documentary, it also upset The Artist taking Best Editing. Really people. if you have not seen this movie, run and find it now.

Don Draper is mad!

Joan knows better...

(I love that they played "All the Lovers" when she presented an award)

Meryl Streep makes winning awards both pleasurable and award-worthy within itself. When she left her shoe on the stairs going up to receive her Best Actress award, not only did she create her own headlines about being Cinderella and loosing at the balls for more than 30 years now, she also made me wonder if this was all planned. She is known for her perfect technical prowess. 

She even made me love that Colin Firth was there, even if it should be Jesse Eisenberg handing her out awards.

All bow to Queen Meryl!

Yay Pe!

Pe handing out Best Actor justifies Natalie Portman not being there. I feel like she's been out of the spotlight for too long...a bit over a year fine, but let me be!

Just give this man his Oscar already. I don't get how anyone would have anything bad to say about him, he's so charming and gorgeous and unlike Clooney and Pitt, he does act in his movie. He doesn't play himself...

Why can't the Oscars come up with interesting presenters for Best Picture?

Is it me or does Bérénice Bejo look like she could've given birth to Emma Stone?

I love how Marty is always so happy to win awards, however to be honest he's been so mistreated by awards bodies that I wish he'd go all Woody Allen on their asses and forever ignore them.

Did you enjoy the BAFTAs?

Emmy Fashion.

As usual we won't bother with Emmy discussions (although yay Kate Winslet and Gwyneth Paltrow!) so let's move to the only relevant thing about these TV awards, the fashion!

After the feathered disaster she tried to pull off in last year's show, Kristen Wiig was effectively stunning in this chocolate Zac Posen gown. The color and cut are perfect for her! Why couldn't the Best Comedy Actress nominees learn from her?

Other than Amy Poehler and Edie Falco, who were sartorial perfection (even if Edie has squeezed this cut too much), the others were just so dull. Laura Linney, seriously, I was rooting for you to win for The Big C but I'm glad you lost just because this dress is just so argh!

Elizabeth Moss has done the nude thing a gazillion times before but there is no arguing with this stunning Marchesa design. The fit is perfect, the simple makeup and hair are quite adequate but I wonder why is it that she always looks so much older? I can totally see Helen Mirren being more youthful in this.

Oh Paz de la Huerta, you are quite something, aren't ya?

Julie Bowen confessed how special she felt about wearing Oscar de la Renta and well, she should! This is the sexiest look she's pulled off in any red carpet! 

Yow-fucking-za! Poor Sofía Vergara might not get too much credit for her tremendous comedienne abilities (people still think it's all about the accent) but she gets her due with clothes. This stunning Vera wang coral dress more than makes up for the tacky yellow creation she chose last year. Gotta love how she let her hair down and recalls Rita Hayworth.

Say whatever you want but Kelly Osbourne rocked the hell out of this J. Mendel gown. Remember when she was a goth rock heiress with pink hair? We've come a long way and good for her!

Aubrey Plaza is the epitome of cute in this custom made Juan Carlos Obando white dress. The hair is lovely, the simple makeup works wonders and those bracelets give her a true wonder woman edge.

The always lovely Jayma Mays pulls off this Zuhair Murad pink concoction in a way Zooey Deschanel couldn't pull hers off (TOO princessy!) the layers and delicate ruffles could've been extremely tacky but the joyous redhead gives them a pinch of sass to make 'em work.

Dianna Agron was stunning last year in Oscar de la Renta which only makes this weird Roksanda Ilincic gown a weirder choice. Sure she wants to play the "I'm young but can dress up like a grown up" game, but

where last year's lace creation was timeless, this one makes her look like Elizabeth Moss' mom. She's hiding the boobs, covering the neck and the cut makes her look as big as Melissa McCarthy. Odd choice...

Armana Privé makes dresses that work just as well on red carpets and during space travel. Sometimes their flashy, usually stunning creations make your jaw drop to the flloor, however in the case of Julianna Margulies, they make us wonder two things: has Julianna been watching Frida too much and will tiny Lady Gagas hatch out of those crystal eggs attached to her bodice? 

A few weeks ago, Nathaniel and I held a battle of sorts, between Veda and Mildred Pierce. Opinions were torn on said occasion - apparently people dig Kate's rigid structural touches while I favored Evan Rachel Wood's adventure sense - and now we are given the perfect way to hold an ultimate showdown. Both ladies have gone with the same designer: in this case Elie Saab. While Kate went for the same red everyone else was wearing (and loosened up her hair obtaining a fresher spirit), her onscreen daughter went for a dramatic black siren gown, complete with a retro do and beautiful smoky eyes. I'm sorry Mildred but Veda has once again upstaged you. Both look astonishing and while Kate is beautiful, Evan remains iconic.

The retro beading and the draped cut of Christina Hendricks' dress totally reminded me of the deco decadence of Boardwalk Empire. The curvaceous beauty is stunning in this custom made Johanna Johnson dress.

If you weren't tired of Claire Danes and her Templen Grandin shtick already, you should've seen all the tweets that mentioned it yesterday...anyway, I too am tired of Danes but this Oscar de la Renta was just too pretty to pass up. The mosaic-like design might've been too Miss Universe but Claire pulls it off quite beautifully. No?

The most controversial look of the night came at the service of the amazing, Emmy winning Gwyneth Paltrow. While some found her midriff baring Pucci to be quite tacky and way too much for an awards show (have they forgotten the white one that showed her butt last year?) I thought it was an astonishing bold choice. When I saw it, it reminded me of a sexy version of the Oscar de la Renta Tina Fey wore last year and as the night passed it had flashes (no pun intended) of Nicole Kidman's wonderful gowns in the last part of Moulin Rouge! 

The see-through-ness might've been too much for some (I saw some people calling it offensive, yet overall she managed to class it up with simple hair, gorgeous makeup and effortless charm. Where do you stand on this Pucci choice?